18 Signs You Might Have Grown Up With “Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder”

What is a Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder? 

Quiet borderline personality disorder – the term is used to describe people who experience intense emotional turmoil and internalize all the emotions they feel. However, they do not show their feelings through dramatic actions and outbursts. On the other hand, people with quiet BPD often internalize their pain. One can never tell that they are struggling with overwhelming feelings of anger, sadness, or emptiness because they hide it so well. These feelings can lead to self-blame, criticism, or withdrawal from others. In this blog, we will discuss the 18 signs a person grew up with quiet borderline personality disorder.

What are the Signs You Grew Up with Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder? 

In this section, we will discuss in detail the signs and symptoms people with borderline personality disorder show. This information will help you recognize the early signs of the disorder and take suitable measures on time: 

• Abnormal Fear of Abandonment 

The deep-rooted sense of insecurity and self-doubt leads to fear of abandonment. These symptoms may develop due to inconsistent and unstable relationships with caregivers, parents, and loved ones. Repetition of such incidences and failed relationships can lead to a belief that they are not worthy of love and stability. This causes fear of rejection and abandonment even in stable relationships. 

• Having Unstable Relationships 

People who constantly fear abandonment face difficulty keeping their relationships stable. The fear can lead to behaviors such as excessive people-pleasing or withdrawal to avoid potential rejection. They often internalize their emotions, making it difficult for their friends or family to understand their emotional state. The inability to show or understand feelings leads to conflicts and miscommunication. 

• Unclear or Shifting Self-Image 

Among the 18 signs you grew up with, a quiet borderline personality disorder is having an unclear and shifting self-image. People with quite borderline personality disorder tend to swing between idealizing and devaluing themselves. Sometimes, they feel overly positive or negative—also, the constant fear of rejection and abandonment causes them to change their behavior to avoid threats.

• Showing Impulsive Behaviors 

Individuals with quiet borderline personality disorder may show impulsive behaviors to cope with their overwhelming feelings. Impulsive behaviors, including self-harm, binge eating, or substance abuse, are often used to manage or numb the pain. They might also show self-destructive behaviors as a form of self-punishment. You may also notice them make sudden and impulsive changes to improve their situation and feel different. 

• Self-Harm 

Self-harm occurs due to constantly overwhelming emotional regulation. People who have quiet borderline personality disorder can cause physical pain to themselves to temporarily distract them from intense emotional distress. They also engage in self-harm to feel something when they are feeling disconnected or numb. This can provide them with a sense of control over their pain and emotions when other aspects of their life feel uncontrollable. 

• Emotional Instability 

Emotional instability is another common sign you or your loved one grew up with quiet borderline personality disorder. Although they might appear calm and composed on the outside, they experience significant emotional turbulence internally. They often experience mood swings, sadness, anger, anxiety, or despair.

• Chronic Feelings of Emptiness 

One more significant sign of quiet borderline personality disorder is having chronic feelings of emptiness. You may feel a pervasive sense of emptiness or void inside. It can be very distressing and might lead to a sense of meaninglessness. You may also feel emotional numbness and struggle to find fulfillment in activities, relationships, or achievements. 

• Passive Aggressive Behavior 

They might show passive-aggressive behaviors, such as giving silent treatment, being indirectly hostile, withdrawing from others, etc. People with quiet borderline personality disorder suppress their anger to avoid conflict. It happens because they fear abandonment. They feel that people will leave them if they show their true emotions.  

• Severe Dissociation or Paranoia 

Severe dissociation involves feeling a disconnection between thoughts, identity, consciousness, and memory. Individuals with Quiet BPD use dissociation to cope with overwhelming emotions and stress. Paranoia is intense and irrational suspicion of others. They may believe that others are plotting against them. 

• Fear of Rejection 

Fear of rejection is another sign and symptom of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This fear is deep-rooted in early childhood experiences, such as neglectful caregiving, trauma, or unstable family environments. Due to these experiences, the individual may feel unworthy of love and become prone to abandonment. Fear of rejection can also lead to other behaviors, like people-pleasing, self-isolation, and low self-esteem.   

• Impulsive Spending Sprees 

Impulsive behavior like spending sprees is one of 18 signs you grew up with borderline personality disorder. You or your loved one having the disorder can show reckless behaviors, like overspending, substance use, and eating disorderly. They may also struggle with emotional regulation as it becomes difficult for them to cope with intense emotions, and impulsive spending can be a way to cope with those intense emotions. 

• Intense and Unstable Emotions 

Growing up with Quiet BPD can involve experiencing many emotions that can change rapidly as a response to external events and internal thoughts. People who grew up with quiet borderline personality disorder feel emotions more intensely than others. These emotions can include feelings of deep sadness, anger, anxiety, and joy, which can shift quickly. 

• Black-and-White Thinking 

People with quiet borderline personality disorder often develop an all-or-nothing perception. They frequently see things in absolute terms, which can lead to idealization and devaluation of someone based on perceived slights or disappointments. Black-and-white thinking also applies to self-perception, which may cause them to see themselves as worthless or capable, depending on their mood and circumstances.  

• Difficulty in Trusting Others 

People who grew up with quiet borderline personality disorder may develop trust issues due to their intense fear of abandonment, emotional instability, and past traumas. Trust issues can lead to strained relationships because the individual may be overly suspicious, avoidant, or excessively dependent on others. It creates a push-pull dynamic that can be challenging for both individuals engaged in the relationship. 

• Frequent Mood Swings 

You may feel rapid or sudden shifts in mood quickly and unpredictably when you grow up with a borderline personality disorder. However, the individuals suffering from the disorder do not often express their fluctuating emotions, which leads others to perceive them as calm and composed when, in reality, they are feeling significant emotional turbulence inside. 

• Feeling Misunderstood 

People who grew up with quiet BPD often feel misunderstood because they find it difficult to express their genuine emotions. Emotional instability caused by frequent mood swings can also affect how they view themselves, leading to an unstable self-image. The feeling of being misunderstood leads to chronic distress and causes a sense of instability. 

• Difficulty in Being Alone 

Individuals with Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder have difficulty being alone due to several reasons. They may appear independent and self-sufficient, but internally, they are struggling with feelings of loneliness and abandonment. They often silently endure their fear of being alone instead of seeking help. 

• Clinginess 

Most signs of Quiet BPD are interconnected. Individuals with the disorder often show clinginess, emotional dependence, and silent neediness. Due to growing up in an inconsistent and unstable environment, they become fearful of closeness as well as desperate for it, resulting in clingy behaviors and fear of losing someone. 

Helping Someone with Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder 

The 18 signs you grew up with a quiet borderline personality disorder we have discussed above can help you recognize the disorder. Understanding how you can help your loved one suffering from the disorder is also essential. In this section, we will discuss the same: 

Listen or Talk and Be Sympathetic 

The person with quiet BPD does not open up about their emotions. Therefore, you should ask them the right questions and listen well.  

Ask Questions

All you need to do is ask minimal questions without overwhelming or making them feel like they’re being interviewed. You must also have a good understanding of detecting and noticing the underlying emotions. 

Educate Yourself 

You must understand Quiet BPD and learn its symptoms, behaviors, and challenges. This understanding will certainly help you establish meaningful interactions with empathy and knowledge. Also, do not show any judgment. 

Encourage Professional Help 

After establishing good communication with the individual, you can subtly opt for therapy, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Connect with the right and trusted healthcare provider. 

Encourage Self-Care and Coping Strategies 

Encourage them to engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, hobbies, etc. You can also help them learn coping skills like mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques. 

Avoid Triggers and Conflict

It is essential to learn about potential triggers to their emotional distress and work to avoid these triggers. However, if conflicts arise, approach them calmly and do not escalate the situation. Try to focus on resolving the issue constructively.  

Encourage Social Connections 

Talk to them about building and maintaining supportive social connections. Encourage them to join a community and support group that can provide additional emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation.  

Conclusion 

We hope that with the help of the information we discussed in this blog, you understand the signs of quiet borderline personality disorder. Here, we discussed 18 signs you could notice in a person struggling with the disorder. Early detection of these signs helps you provide timely treatment to your loved one. Therefore,it is important to understand and detect these symptoms and take immediate action. You should connect with a reliable mental healthcare professional to address these symptoms and treat the condition to live a healthy life.